Hello, I am theo:)

Thursday, December 29, 2005 { 5:42 AM }

i'm so angry, i'm practically crying. i dont understand why. life has been full of unexpected events. i dont understand why this happened. roar..I"M SO ANGRY!!! argh..it's just the feeling of sadness and anger mixing up together. it is so unreasonable. *key=it refers to someone* argh..everytime say dont know what,"up to you." i mean..it's not up to m,e right? you said i ate it but i didnt, but you insisted i ate it. rubbish. i eat it, i'll own up. i'll say,"yea..i'm the one who ate it." although i dont tell you beforehand that i'm eating it, but i'll own up if you ask me. you dont know me well..always ask me to return it to it, you know that i dont have it yet what right? but you insist on it dont you? suxer. i've never seen such idiotic, hyprocrite. say something, but dont mean it..what kind of people are you? i was there when you needed help. i didnt run away saying," you go yourself!" instead, i followed along. i helped you. is this the trend? the trend to forget about what good people did to you and demand for some unreasonable rubbish. i tell you, i wont help you in anyway next time. you go and see your whatever, dont come and tell me. i'll not agree to it. heng! i know..you have alot of troubles, but that doesnt mean i dont have understand? the troubles that you have, are all created by yourself. you find for it! you deserve it! blame it on no one. so..now you understand what it feels when people dont answer to your question. besides, i dont answer you because i'm listening to the radio. last time, you were not. if you were, i'ld not do the same. stupid fella. never ever think. argh..shall stop thinking about her. big deal!
heys, you know what? i found out something weird. if the expected failure occur, you would be numbed. even if the news broke to you, you wont feel anything. hahaas. nothing at all(: smile. there's still np tomorrow. dont feel like going because i'm on medication and i'm afraid i would start shivering if i go..because the sight effect is this. haiz..i feel so useless..never felt so bad before. i'll excel. not i wont die. "never say die!" the more you want me to die, the more i'll stand up high. i'll show you that i'm not easily defeated. i'll not lose to you. fate, the more you test me, the more i'll get over the hurddle. i'm gonna strive..never say die.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005 { 2:40 AM }

my hair looks totally horrible. i look toot ok? not ok! haiz..went for the hair cut yesterday, and now..dont know how to describe myself also. sigh..i feel so funny. look like a guy, but dont really look like one. look like a girl, but again, i dont look like one. so..i look like a freak ok? i prefer the spikey one lor..but too bad, cut until like that le. i said, i dont want too short, dont want too long, and now. argh..anyways i dont need to worry lar..GAY is OUR style what. and now i'm really into it(: today went a lot of places. i couldnt sleep yesterday night. it was only until about 4.30 did i managed to drift into sleep. woke up slightlylater today. left home at about 2 like that to accompany my maid to BNI so that she can send her money home. after that we proceeded to post office to pay the singtel bill. took a bus down to the library to return the books, just because we didnt want to be fined. hahaas. no lar actually. walked down to mac and bought lunch. after which we walked down to katong shopping center. went to the optician earlier then my appointment. i chose a new frame which is nice, but only had one colour left. brown. i wanted another colour! haiz..but that frame is nice enough. hahaas. i want to find the piano score for That's Why(you go away) by Micheal learns to rock. a very sweet and nice song. if anyone so happens to own it or knows antone that owns it..can you please tell me? hahaas.

Monday, December 26, 2005 { 6:45 AM }

ok..i'm feeling really guilty now. really. and soon my confused mind came up with an answer. an answer to soothe my agonied spirit. it's final and i'll not change that fact. no. not until now. because i know..i've cause one person's pain. i mean..although that person did tell me, i know. i know the consequences of my actions. and i can feel it. from what people do or think, i understand. it's all my fault and it's really my fault. i brought this upon you, and i can not forgive myself. argh. i guess my decision might have help me and my consience.
i thought whatever i typed was here, but oh well..it's not. let me start from last wed. yeps..went out with hui sahn, minyu, bi ran and joy. met minyu early in the morning to watch chicken little. the show was quite hilarious with a touch of warmth. nice one. then oit ended about 12, so we met hui shan at the bus interchange and took no. 31 to pp. met bi ran and joy there. at first we wanted to watch movie, but due to time constrain, we have decided to give up that thought and shopped instead.
yesterday was x'mas day. so fast..i thought i just celebrated x'mas last year? time really does fly. and i know. went church with dad on x'mas eve. the midnight service. and there's caroling. wow..when you sit at the front row on the second level, you can see the pianist and the conductor. they's like so cool. it's a honour to be able to play during a mass..and i want to render my service to the church when i finish my piano grades. and when you look at how they play,it is really awesome! and the conductor also..i want to learn how to be a conductor..if i finish all my courses..then on x'mas we went to mom's friend's church to celebrate. that's a christian church and they are all so merry. the service is very joyous with performance and loads of x'mas carol. and i dont understand this line- christ is come. why isnt it has? but is? i dont understand. and we got a test of bread and wine. the communion. normally i dont get to drink the wine during communion, but this time, it's a different church and there's wine. my first time drinking wine. hahaas..it's a bit strong..the taste. then there was this talk..about the difference between worship and admire. yes..and now i understand the difference.after the service we went to my mom's friend's house for x'mas lunch. i seriously dont like the lunching part. because i will be so bored..every year also the same. no changes are made or done. haiz..but the agony soon ended when i beggedmy dad to go home. we didnt even eat the fruits(: hahaas. later when i came home, i asked my mom to bring me for lunch again, because i only ate two pieces of breadover there. i wanted to eat ramen. so we went pp lor.. i like x'mas..i like new year..they mark the end of a year, and the beginning of another. this year, 2006 will be coming 1 sec later..because due to the slowing down of rotation of the earth, 2005 will last 1 sec longer. hahaas. i'll take note of this 1 sec(: on this x'mas night, i have made a promise to myself. i promise myself that i'll work hard. i really wish this wish would be fufilled. i willwork for it de!

Thursday, December 15, 2005 { 5:39 AM }

Came back frm bi ran's house, and slept for a while..and poof, here i am(: hahaas..went to her house to do my chinese homework and chat. I hate doing homework i tell you. and i have found out that there's a slight change in the people in my class. there's people coming into our class, and people going out of our class. we are so GAY! hahaas. dunt be mistaken. it's merry and GAY the GAY ok? hahas. i'm lame again.-.-" hmm..i'm rather angry today. when i left bi ran's house to take a bus home, i met a damn bus driver who asked to see my bus pass. he suspected that i'm not a student. walao. dont i look like one? or do i look too mature eh? or..or..you racist? no..should not say that. should say that he's too judgemental. he cant do this what..that's bad. i was so so angry. what the..argh. ignore that idiot. ok. went to buy lunch cum dinner. my favourite(: and there's np on monday. what christmas celebration. i wonder if it's something like games day or not? i want games day..it's so fun. but i guess this christmas celebration would be fun..i mean..look. it sounds fun..looking forward to it.

Friday, December 09, 2005 { 7:38 AM }

so tired..just returned frm sentosa. left home at about 1.30 then took bus 197 to city hall there to change to mrt to tiong bahru. at first we tot got bus into sentosa mahz..cuz vv long didnt go, so when we reached there, we found out the bus which goes to sentosa is cancelled. so...we took a taxi to harbour front and looked for the ticket booth. at first we planned to take a bus in, but i requested to take a cable care instead, so we took cable car instead of a bus. ok..tt was my FIRST time taking a cable car..so fun. n not at all scary. i tot i'ld b scary, but no..it wasnt. reached sentosa at about 2+. i wanted to go CineMania mahz..so we took a bus over..the green line. there's four lines, red, blue, green and yellow. but yellow onli for nite n red onli for day. reached there n went to buy the tickets. aunt was worried the thingy would b like the japan disney land those type of indoor roller coaster, n was dangerous bcuz of the recent news abt the escape. so she was hesitant about letting me go in, but i convinced her..n when we went in was like a cinema..with those hight tech effect. a movie screen will go..n your chair will shake together with it lar..ya lor those type lar. when i came out, i was all giddy. so stupid. hahaas..then we walked ard taking photos..i didnt take ani though, bcuz i hate taking photo. so abt 5+ we went to tanjong dunt know wat beach just to cross that bridge. u know wat? i tot it'ld b the high high one, but no. i was so disappointed lor..haiz..

Tuesday, December 06, 2005 { 5:35 AM }

got baq my guzheng results ytd. actualli mom went to like call early in da morning bcuz i told her the results would be out in a few days time. so i was like slping on the sofa..the suddenli she said," wei. u dunt wanna wake up arh? dunt wanna know yr results meh?" she sounded a bit angry..i swear, but then i was like,"huh? did i pass?" she told me i passed n i've gotten a merit. yay~ i was all happi n could slp no more. i was up n awake, jumping ard. i quickli told lao shi n she was like happi for me. but i didnt know merit in guzheng is called wat. so in da afternoon, i went to coollect tt result slip. when we went there, we found out tt the person in charge took a half day leave. so we were like angry, cuz she told us to go dwn de mah..made us go all the way dwn on a rainy day..yeps. but we met tt person when we were abt to leave. n she told us it was bcuz fo the rain tt she came baq. she nid an umbrella. so we got the slip. n i scored 80. weeh. was elated(: the practice song i only started out in the eleventh hour, n yet, i scored about 30/40 lor..hahas. quite happi with myself. n i'll work hard de. i told myself, i'll work doubli hard. i will. i can continue to learn guzheng le..dunt nid to cancel it. i'm so happy. oops..n xueli..i'm sorry. cant accompany u, cuz of my tt chinese tution lor..i'm so so so sorry. will try my best to make up..if i can. need any help muz cum find me. give me a chance to make up. n ytd the piano was so long. n those things was like so diff. now she teach me how to like deduce wat composer wrote tt piece..n all those music decoration lor..so diff. n i wanna buy one guide to it. all the stuffs i'ld be learning frm grade one to eight. i wanna buy it, but muz save up first. i wanna pass. n cn use it for mep oso. good one.

Thursday, December 01, 2005 { 7:28 AM }

my heart just suddenly seemed so pain..i dont know why. but..it's pain. you know the time when u feel xin1 suan1? i think it's that feeling. just rather upset about somethings..but it made me understand somethings better. the good people. and how i sohuld be a good gal. went for guzheng xam just now. hahaas. dad, me n my idiotic maid carried it there. not realli lar..as in we called a taxi and transported it there. haiz..so heavy lar..then so tall sumore. n mom made us go there super early. i was like there without anyone there yet. so early. n the office was closed. nvm. i didnt know about the holding room at first. where u cn start practising yr instrument b4 the xam. so i was there, thnx to some teacher(: i'm glad. at least got time to practise. not like piano like that. so i stayed there for quite a long time. then all the ppl there esp the boys all wear until like dunt know wat like tat..wat weatern suit. so diff frm me.there was this teacher who was nice. n she helped me tune the guzheng, cuz i dunt know how to tune mahz..beginner only lehs. then got one string got probie..luckily i brought it there also. but she said the others oso got probie..but luckily dunt nid change, cuz i didnt bring mahz. ok..sat there n practise until lao shi came. n i finalli mastered that practise song which only last min i start to learn. i'm proud of myself. in one and a half day learn until that speed..quite ok lar. n lao shi helped me tune again. she changed that spoilt sting and told me to relax...n even if i dont do well, dunt blame myself cuz i've done my best and improved a lot since the day she taught me. frm a song that didnt look like a song, to wat it is now..considered vv good le..onli in two months mahz..n i was like thinking, why didnt i change my teacher earlier, so i can be more well prepared. haiz..bad luck, or rather, hard luck. then she needed to leave as she's unwell n nid to see a doc..n still haf lesson at 4, so she left me in the care of her senior who is the one incharge of calling the candidates in. ok..lao shi's senior was nice too..toked to me n stuffs. helped me tune the guzheng again n carried it in for me. so nice..i feel a bit bad not helping at all..when we entered, i saw the xaminer sitted there. she looked fierce and sturn. scary. a woman. so lao shi's senior put tt thingy down n made sure it didnt shake. i sat down and looked at the xaminer..she nodded her head and i started. n when i was playing, i found out the guzheng was like shaking. o mien..suay lar..but i continued and it went smoothli. even though i played some parts wrongli, i acted as if nth happened and continue, but the song was a bit..hmm..dunt know wat to say, but i tot it was a failure cuz i kip making mistake. when i played the practise song i was all calm, but when i started on the song, i was all sweaty and clammy. and my hands were so cold, it couldnt realli move. haiz..but it ended successfulli(: with my perseverance and will. hhaaas. after it ended, we wetn to buy roti prata, czu i'm craving for it. yea..n took the same taxi home. the taxi uncle was good also. came home n slp. until vv late..n my maid is so bad. hate her lar..idiotic woman. i mean..how cn u hear when u r slping? rubbish. i shant swear too much. learn to be tame..n not haf mode swings..cannot.